Fearful, avoidant or sure: “Attached” is the book that shapes our understanding of love

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Your feeling is that people will say, ‘I’m avoiding it, I think I’ll never have a relationship.’ ‘I am anxious. Well, I write too much to him and that’s why he doesn’t like me. ‘ Such words have power. “

Another criticism is that the book flattens nuances from some very complicated ideas and that its success is part of a larger trend of people who are overzealous to reduce themselves or others to a single style (see: Myers-Briggs Tests, Enneagram typing, zodiac signs). They do so, criticized, to further express their own identity, rather than realizing that our behavior and attachment styles (and therefore our identities) are not so precisely defined or traced back to a single thing.

“There is a spectrum, “said Dr. Levine when I spoke to him in September. “But what the research is finding is that there is one prevalent trait that you can be drawn to more. And I think that’s helpful to know. ”

As for the criticism of the book to be read in therapy? He agreed that this would be ideal, but claimed that while not everyone has access to therapy, most people have access to a library and something is better than nothing. He also agreed that the book tries to bridge the fine line between a strange academic treatise and overdistillation – and it may not always suit the tastes of the people on both sides.

In our interview, Dr. Levine a remarkably good sport. That may have something to do with the fact that he’s not a globetrotter, TED-speaking, Oprah-approved, and Oprah-approved celebrity love guru, but rather an embarrassed, shy, sweetly enthusiastic Columbia academic who spends most of his days seeing Patients, conducted research, wrote and talked about neural developmental pathologies.

While predicting an increase in sales during the pandemic, Dr. Levine remains as amazed as anyone by the book’s success over the past decade. “I don’t think I fully realize it yet,” he said with a laugh. And no, he didn’t know anything about #AttachmentStyle TikTok.


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