“Starbucks made me the wrong drink” and 10 more times capitalism has failed

Presented by: The Tuttle Twins

Hey capitalists! Still think your system is perfect? Well, think again! Capitalism is one of the worst things that can happen to humanity and we’ll show you why.

Here are 10 miserable failures of capitalism:

  1. Hotel breakfast this morning was sans waffle mix: Say what you will about the Gulags, they NEVER had this problem.
  2. Your Che Guevara t-shirt was delayed in transit: Virtue signal delayed! lame!
  3. Google Maps on your iPhone 13 Pro Max sent you to the wrong end of the park for the abortion protest: It was uncomfortable.
  4. Back when you stubbed your toe on your Roomba on your way to making your morning espresso: Every day, capitalism is literally trying to kill you.
  5. There are just too many entertainment options and streaming services out there and it’s stressing you out: Capitalism doesn’t care about your sanity.
  6. If you go to the store to buy sugar-free almond milk for lactose-intolerant vegans and you can only find the kind with sugar: POOH!
  7. The time AOC’s head was stuck in a fence: Without capitalism the fence wouldn’t exist – with communism it would be an impenetrable block wall between East and West Berlin that you couldn’t get into.
  8. Loot boxes in video games: diabolical The pure evil.
  9. The McDonald’s ice cream machine is broken and you can’t get your soft serve: Why would capitalism allow that?
  10. You don’t want to work and you’re broke: This leaves you with just as much wealth and luxury as a middle-class nobleman had 200 years ago. abominable!

NO SATIRE: You may find it funny to talk about how capitalism failed. But that’s what a lot of teachers tell kids in their classrooms, and what social media teaches them to think.

How should children and parents react to this?

We’ve created a free guide called Tuttle Rebuttals that teaches kids how to respond to lies like “socialism is good,” “marxism works,” and more.

Since you are a Babylon Bee reader, I want you to receive this eBook for free. Click here to get this eBook now. And when you’re ready, help us get it into the hands of more kids and parents.

Many Thanks,

Connor Boyack

Author, Tuttle Twins

Founder, Libertas Institute

The California Dream isn’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State:

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